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the breakup well things have not been going well for a little while now..
I went to talk to him and it was a big fight I felt things did not add up, and went to call him out on it, we both got angry and I said fuck it bring me my key.. He was mad and said fine that's what you want and hung up on me.. I should have worded my words so different, but these feelings have been building up inside me.. All I did was make him mad and push him away to the point of no return..
I still have my doubt, now even more so, if he really cared and if there really is no one else, he would have talked to me about it and I don't think he would have been so mad in doing so.
He feels like I am acting like his ex nagging and saying he is doing something he is not.. I did not mean to come across like that, all I really wanted is him to make me feel like what I am feeling is not what the case really is.. I know in my heart had he been that upset and felt the way I do my love for him would make me show him I care and would want to make things right. I feel if he really cared he would have done the same. He sat there and told me there is so much going on in his life right now and he is very stressed out, he did say he is not talking to anyone else and he does want to see me but there is so much going on right now its hard..
I really felt like it was more then that, I was not trying to make it into something its not, and push him away and make things worse. Yet that's what I did.. Now I feel so sick you have no idea, I know he will not talk to me and I have to move on, after all this is what I asked for when I went off and had him bring my key..
Truth of it all I love him, but in the end I still have doubt he loves me to. The stupid things is I hope he calls and we can talk, I would love to work everything out. To be honest I don't see that happening I feel it within he is not going to speak to me and more then fine with it..
So I wonder if I did the right thing, and I feel so much pain..
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things are so twisted right now, I have to say honest I feel like if I don't talk to him if I let him come to me he wants to talk, well more then he has been.. Also when he knows something is wrong he wants to talk to find out whats wrong but once he knows and talks to me about it he is busy again.. By the way talking has more so been texting talking, like right now he is texting me because I told him I am listening to music and writing blogs he said why whats wrong I said I just need to write right now he said I know its about me, I was like more so about how I feel again he asks whats wrong and said again I know its about me or us because you always do write about it.. I said things just dont seem the same when ever we talk I feel like I am bothering you *mind you this is through texts* so far he has not responded to that one, witch makes me think I am just bothering him, he has not told me I am not so with what ever he is going on that's stressing him out I am some of that stress that's how I feel, but like I was saying before he texted me and I got even more lost, if I don't talk to him he wants to know whats up where I am how I am and all that again with texts... I feel like we are falling apart I am about to just fucking cry why do you hurt the one you say you love whats the point to hurt someone you love (there goes his text wonder what he said this time I am will to guess before I look I have been real busy my car is fucked up and I am having a hard time) now let me look and see if I am right or how close I am..*** he said sorry (shocked) said everything is going wrong right now and he hates his life (I am a part of his life so that bothers me) he said he is just stressed out (he has been saying this) and he is stressed about money things he cant do anything because he never has the money to all he does is pay bills and fix his car...
Notice he did not say its not you tho? Notice he did not say I don't want you to feel that way?
So tell me who ever reads this
Does he just need time or am I right there is more behind it
I have this man in my life for the most part he seems great, but as time goes by he seems so busy.. He works a lot and is a very hard worker, when he is off work he has something to do all the time yard work things for his moms house his house his CAR always a friends car something always.. He use to make more time for me and now I feel like he will see me when he has time, I feel like he is no longer making time for me, its like fuck it I am going to do this that and the other and when I feel like it I will call text or come over.. I don't want to push him to be here if he don't want to be here I don't want to push him to talk to me if he don't... I wish he would just break up with me if he don't want to be with me... I am more then lost when it comes to mine and his relationship its like I really don't have a clue, does he want to be with me is he really just that busy and stressed out because he is that busy does he miss me at all?? Do some people (men&woman) have a harder time showing those fee?lings letting someone they care for know how much they care and miss them when they are not spending time with one another or is that just a red flag a sign they really dont want to be with you but dont want to break it off either? I really don't know.. Should I give him the benefit of doubt because I know what all he is going though and be more understandable and let him work out all these kinks he has been going though and then see if he starts to be the man I have fallin in love with or do I get a clue and break it off before I have deeper feelings and get hurt even more then the pain I feel in my heart
I don't get life at all, things are never easy are they? I love this man I am with but things are not right at all within our relationship, I don't know if it will ever be again I am very unsure..
To top things off a ex of mine that I am close to and will always hold close to my heart said to me I think we should betogether I think I am the one you should marry, I asked how would we even make it work if we wanted to really try.. He said what he would do I was like I see.. So then I am sitting here and not being able to help what comes to mind his words are there..
Then I see his stat on here says how he is sick of head games, I was like what is that about? He said he kept getting blown off all week??? I asked by who he said some girl, how the hell is he going to tell me he thinks we should be together and be upset some girl is blown him off..
I know I know I have a man why I even care, well *sigh*
I feel like my man and I are having so many issues when my ex said that shit ofcourse its going to make me think about old times this that and the other.. I don't know
I am so thankful for music for with out it I don't think I could fight the tears
I feel so down right now my eyes water for the smallest things, like everything is getting to me I feel hurt by so much its wow my head even hurts..
Anna Nalick sings this song wreck of the day,
listen to it...
I feel her music
IM GIVING UP
I don't know what to think about anything any more.. I sit here and just feel like so many things don't make sense.. Why is it when you let yourself open up to another let yourself love someone, it seems like everything changes? Does all relationships change right before you hit that year mark? Is feelings of doubt and being unsure about how your partner's feeling.. How do you express your true feelings about everything with out sounding like your nagging at them? How can you talk to them when you feel as if your bothering them because they are going through some hard times and have been stressed out lately.. Is it normal for your boyfriend/girlfriend to ignore you at times but want to talk to you when you just decide to let it go and not try and talk to them? I don't understand whats going on right now, he seems so different from the man I feel inlove with.. How can I talk to him How can I change the things that are going wrong? How can I know for sure if he wants to make things work or if he don't I am so lost....