i am so very stressed out
something i do not need
everyone seems to be causing me stress
there are a few that are not
but the rest seem to
even if they do not know they are
i have stopped texting a lot of people due to the stress levels i am having
i wouldn't be so worried about the stress if i was not with child..but i am
but i am worried about the child's health
so i am just staying away from people...
i love my friends and family but the stress i am receiving from them is just causing me a lot of pains that i should not be having this early in the pregnancy
i am sorry to those that i ignore...but till my stress is down i just can't talk
till i am for sure that i will not have as much stress as i have been having i am not here
i have not been online a lot due to the stress
stress is not good for me or this unborn child right now
so if i do not respond to you
don't be mad
just understand that i have had a lot to deal with and i am trying to bring my stress level down
i cry
i cry
and i cry some more
yet no answers come
there is no more
nothing from him to mend my heart
no
"i am sorry for what i put you through"
nothing he did was ever wrong in his book
he hurt me
and left me
and everything was all good
he laughs about it i know
the pain he put me in
for he never loved me
as i did him
but life is life
nothing i can do
there are just some people out there that want to make me feel blue
and there are others that want to make me smile
but its ok for me to be sad once in awhile
i will cry deep inside
and let no one see
but hey that just me
but people will try to cheer me up
and make me see that its not all that bad
that my life is not worth crying all the time
that there is more in life then
lies
sadness
anger
and pain
that love will someday shine in my life again
but that's if only i will listen
and know the truths from the lies
look at me
no really look at me
what do you see,
when you see me?
do you see a broken heart?
do you see a girl falling apart?
do you see the woman i once was?
do you see me ?
the real me?
...
no i know you don't
cause no one does
no one see's what i have become
no one knows the pain that i hide
no one know of the pain
and the lies
no one knows what he fully put me through
no one knows of the love that i once had
but lost
no one sees what they want to see
they only see a woman happy with her life
they only see a woman that has never given up
they only see what i want them to see
and i don't want them to see the real me
for the real me is nothing good anymore
the real me is a girl that cries deep inside
the real me is a lost soul
with no hope of ever finding the light
the real me is gone
and buried deep in the ground
the real me is not here...
the real me is ....
gone
i want to scream
i want to yell
i want my life out of this hell
i want the pain to be gone
i want him to know the pain he caused me
i want him to know that i now know he never loved me
i want him to see what he did to me
i want him to hurt
like he hurt me
i want him to cry
i want him to feel this fucking pain i feel inside
i want him to know that he hurt me so
i want him to know that now i can't trust
i want him to see what all his lies did to me
but no
he wont cause he don't care
he never cared
and he never will
for he never loved me
he left her waiting
"i will be home soon"
"no worries my dear"
"i love you"
but he left
he never loved at all
he went to Iraq
only to leave her
she was faithful to him
like a good girlfriend should be
but he cheated
and lied
and broke her heart
he was to be her husband
he was her everything
she never stopped loving him
but he never really loved her
he used her
he hurt her
he made her cry
yet he said he loved her
he said he cared
he said that they would be together though out the years
he said all the lies that she wanted to hear
and he broke her
she thought she was over the pain that he showed
but she never really was
her life was built on a lie
nothing but lies he told her
no truths
no love
no nothing from him
he tried to hurt her
and he did
so she sits and cries deep inside
knowing that men will always hurt her
knowing that she will never fully trust a man again
knowing that no matter where she goes in life he will always be there in one way or another
telling her "he loves her"
then laughing as she falls for the lies
she cries and she cries trying to get out
but shoved back down
no one will ever see the tears that she cries
no one will ever know of the lies that she has heard
she is alone in this dark world
lost to everyone that wants to help her up
she is a lost little girl
tying to find her way in this world
never should she have felt the way he made her feel
but its to late for that now
its all went down hill
she was hurt inside
she cried and she cried
yet the tears still come
but now she hides
no one will ever know the truth about her
she has been hurt
and hurt
and hurt...
so she will always just sit there and cry
cause she knows that nothing will ever be the same
things happen for a reason
trust is lost
love is lost
nothing to gain
but the sad tears that run down her face
will never wash away the pain
little girl why do you cry?
why do you let the pain hurt so much inside?
who made you feel so bad inside?
why wont you answer me little girl?
why do you just sit there day after day holding it in
not letting the pain go away?
you were hurt i know
but not all is lost
i will be strong
for the both of us
i will go on and so shall you
cause you are me
as i once was you
i am the little girl deep inside
just crying cause the pain is too much to bear
but its ok i know this now
for the tears may come
as they always will
i will never let the tears come out again
so the sad little girl will sit in darkness for years
you can't see me
for i hide to well
you will not know me
cause my life is hell
i am not trying to be who anyone wants me to be
i am done looking for that special someone in my life
i am no longer here
i am no longer real
i am nothing can't you see
i was never anything to the one that meant so much to me
i lost it all
i gave up trying
i stopped all that stupid baby crying
i learned my lesson
i didn't get back up
i stayed right where he left me
stuck in that rut
i am done with all the lies that come forth
i am done with everything that can make me hurt
no one will ever see the real me
cause she is gone
she is no longer me
you can't see the tears in my eyes
you cant see the truths that i hide
you cant see the real me deep inside
you know i have been hurt
but that don't matter none
you cant see me
through the person i have become
you will never know who i am now
you will never know cause i am never around
i hide from the world
one person at a time
never wanting more then friendship
cant you see?
i don't want to hurt anyone
like i was hurt before
so i stay hidden from all that come to find the real me
i will never go back to the person i was before
cause i had that door that held love slam too many times before
i am done being what everyone wants
i am living my life in the shadows now
just watching
and waiting
i am not the girl i once was
i am now a woman that knows that there is no such thing as true love
i am now a woman that knows it hurts to fall for the lies
i am now the woman that i will be for the rest of my life
so i am taken
so what
big deal
you don't have to hate me for that
i thought we could be friends
but no
you wanted more
something i am not ready to give you
something that i am not ready to give anyone at the moment
but still you hate me for something that i did
started dating a guy
i never met you
and that may be my fault as you say but damn why are you freaking out so much
you never told me you cared for me
so i thought we were just friends
but no...
we are not
the things you just said hurt me
you may not have meant them to be painful
but they were cause most of what you said was the truth
i did like you more then a friend at one point in time
but things happen
people change
and time goes on
i have grown up since then
i have seen the pain guys can cause
i am frightened of guys
i know that they only want to hurt me
so i stay away from the ones that i could ever care about
cause i don't want them to hurt me too
and i stay away from the ones that i care about cause i don't want to be the ones that i hurt
but i guess its too late for that
cause i hurt you
and i didn't mean to
and now our friendship is ruined
and yes its my fault
and i am sorry for that
but i am not sorry for telling you i was taken
cause i could have been like some of these other women out there and just pulled you along
but no
i told you i was taken so you didn't get hurt
i told you the truth so that you would know
but it don't matter any more cause now i think i just lost a good friend
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